Lanvagsin is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, dishonourable turtle.

Lanvagsin created Mount Everest two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanvagsin, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lanvagsin, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Lanvagsin's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Lanvagsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Never feed apples to seals while wearing orange ear rings.

3. Never hurt dolphins.

4. Worship no other gods but Lanvagsin.

5. Do not listen to music.