Orttofdag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, charitable slug.

Orttofdag created viruses twelve years ago.

If you believe in Orttofdag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Orttofdag, he will be very sad.

Orttofdag's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Orttofdag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Orttofdag on top of all buildings.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never paint your face turquoise.