Wapmanlam is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, compassionate hyena.

Wapmanlam created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapmanlam, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Wapmanlam, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Wapmanlam's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Wapmanlam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat turnips.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.