Capmidbig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, happy mink.

Capmidbig created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Capmidbig, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Capmidbig, he will turn you into a plant.

Capmidbig's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Capmidbig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always help cats in need.