Quatlinbarn is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, egotistical scorpion.

Quatlinbarn created the planet Venus five million years ago.

If you believe in Quatlinbarn, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quatlinbarn, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Quatlinbarn's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Quatlinbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always help dogs.

4. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a building before entering it.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.