Hudquatbam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, weak cat.

Hudquatbam created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hudquatbam, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hudquatbam, she will torture you forever.

Hudquatbam's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Hudquatbam's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine gulls approach from the east.

2. Hide from cyan sharks for they are unholy.

3. Hudquatbam loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.