Bapgutkap is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, narcissistic grasshopper.

Bapgutkap created the Sun three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapgutkap, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bapgutkap, it will manifest in front of you.

Bapgutkap's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bapgutkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about coconuts.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Feed all hungry gulls.

5. Always wear red.