Kemrutarpsan is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, competent fly.

Kemrutarpsan created dark energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Kemrutarpsan, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kemrutarpsan, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Kemrutarpsan's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Kemrutarpsan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never eat lemons.

4. Kemrutarpsan loves dolphins, so they must be respected.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.