Tarpyartnab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, pitiless dugong.

Tarpyartnab created viruses two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpyartnab, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarpyartnab, he will turn you into a tree.

Tarpyartnab's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Tarpyartnab's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear white.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not eat lentils.

4. You must pray to Tarpyartnab eight times a day.

5. Never look at nebulae.