Jopzimhon is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, idiotic scorpion.

Jopzimhon created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopzimhon, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jopzimhon, it will cry a lot.

Jopzimhon's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Jopzimhon's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a building before entering it.

5. Retreat if four ants approach from the north.