Goftarggep is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, weak walrus.

Goftarggep created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Goftarggep, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Goftarggep, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Goftarggep's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Goftarggep's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six silicon sculptures of Goftarggep on top of important buildings.

2. Never skip in the presence of mites.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never look at black holes.