Tonkxinveg is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, tiresome monkey.

Tonkxinveg created life two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkxinveg, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Tonkxinveg, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Tonkxinveg's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Tonkxinveg's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonkxinveg.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.