Satwodzan is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, contented clam.

Satwodzan created the planet Earth seven million years ago.

If you believe in Satwodzan, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Satwodzan, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Satwodzan's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Satwodzan's Holy Commandments

1. Satwodzan loves swans, so they must be honoured.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate moths.

3. Never skip in the presence of turtles.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Always help sick mice.