Bisstinyak is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, ruthless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bisstinyak created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bisstinyak, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bisstinyak, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Bisstinyak's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Bisstinyak's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick foxes.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bisstinyak.

5. You must pray to Bisstinyak six times a day.