Zenquimcut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, smart hippopotamus.

Zenquimcut created an atom four million years ago.

If you believe in Zenquimcut, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Zenquimcut, he will think nothing of it.

Zenquimcut's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Zenquimcut's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red aardvarks for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never feed coconuts to turtles while wearing pink dresses.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Run away if four eagles approach from the east.