Fetgutmum is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, two-faced chicken.

Fetgutmum created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Fetgutmum, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fetgutmum, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Fetgutmum's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Fetgutmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Fetgutmum's name in vain.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Always look after injured snails.

5. Do not dye your hair brown.