Talquartpag is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, humane sheep.

Talquartpag created the planet Venus nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Talquartpag, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Talquartpag, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Talquartpag's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Talquartpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Talquartpag's name in vain.

2. Never go into magenta rooms.

3. Run away if four mites approach from the north.

4. Feed all hungry dogs.

5. Do not shave your hands.