Wabpadcim is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, uncaring monkey.

Wabpadcim created dark energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Wabpadcim, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Wabpadcim, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Wabpadcim's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Wabpadcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Wabpadcim loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

4. Never feed garlic to turtles while wearing blue rings.

5. Never eat parsnips.