Tarpdimarp is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, uncaring dove.

Tarpdimarp created a strange quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpdimarp, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarpdimarp, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tarpdimarp's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Tarpdimarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never eat carrots.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never look in ponds.