Tifquamlarg is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, self-confident horse.

Tifquamlarg created life seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifquamlarg, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tifquamlarg, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Tifquamlarg's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Tifquamlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.