Femlimzog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, emotional hydra.

Femlimzog created a photon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femlimzog, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Femlimzog, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Femlimzog's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Femlimzog's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat goats with great respect.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Femlimzog must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Snakes are not to be trusted.