Yarptendav is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, emotional turtle.

Yarptendav created an up quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarptendav, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Yarptendav, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Yarptendav's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Yarptendav's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear stockings.

2. Never wear gray shoes.

3. You must pray to Yarptendav five times a day.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Always take life seriously.