Lapbatcissmidgepyarptab is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, unfair jellyfish.

Lapbatcissmidgepyarptab created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Lapbatcissmidgepyarptab, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lapbatcissmidgepyarptab, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Lapbatcissmidgepyarptab's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Lapbatcissmidgepyarptab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt whales.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never bounce in the presence of aardvarks.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Lapbatcissmidgepyarptab.