Cumfatstan is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, stupid cow.

Cumfatstan created dark matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumfatstan, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Cumfatstan, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Cumfatstan's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Cumfatstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never wear brown jumpers.

4. Always look after injured tapirs.

5. Never mention monkeys.