Vogmatcum is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unselfish narwhal.

Vogmatcum created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogmatcum, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vogmatcum, he will turn you into a snail.

Vogmatcum's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Vogmatcum's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vogmatcum.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never mention porpoises.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always stare at clouds.