Barnmatbug is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, weak frog.

Barnmatbug created matter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Barnmatbug, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Barnmatbug, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Barnmatbug's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Barnmatbug's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if six tortoises approach from the north.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Barnmatbug.