Kapquatlim is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, annoying faun.

Kapquatlim created dark energy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapquatlim, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapquatlim, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Kapquatlim's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Kapquatlim's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Kapquatlim loves badgers, so they must be honoured.