Bonklinvog is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, witty crocodile.

Bonklinvog created dark energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonklinvog, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bonklinvog, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Bonklinvog's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Bonklinvog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mites.

2. Retreat if nine porpoises approach from the east.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Always pray immersed in water.