Hasloopbiss is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, narcissistic hyena.

Hasloopbiss created parasitic wasps six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasloopbiss, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hasloopbiss, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Hasloopbiss' most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Hasloopbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

5. Run away if eight monkeys approach from the east.