Batcitvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, intelligent salamander.

Batcitvonk created the universe five billion years ago.

If you believe in Batcitvonk, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Batcitvonk, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Batcitvonk's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Batcitvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always help sheep.