Tigtofbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, grumpy dog.

Tigtofbaf created the solar system three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigtofbaf, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tigtofbaf, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tigtofbaf's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tigtofbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about black holes.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not wear copper on your body.