Vonkbinbinarm is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, conceited cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Vonkbinbinarm created Asia seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkbinbinarm, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vonkbinbinarm, he will turn you into a duck.

Vonkbinbinarm's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Vonkbinbinarm's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

4. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.