Tifruttvonk is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unthinking gnu.

Tifruttvonk created a Higgs boson eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifruttvonk, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tifruttvonk, he will turn you into a dog.

Tifruttvonk's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tifruttvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near eagles.

2. Tifruttvonk loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not wear black clothing.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.