Mutkaphiv is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, clever owl.

Mutkaphiv created the Cigar Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutkaphiv, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Mutkaphiv, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Mutkaphiv's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Mutkaphiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

2. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about pigs.

5. You must pray to Mutkaphiv five times a day.