Apphomrul is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, ill-tempered yak.

Apphomrul created a top quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Apphomrul, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Apphomrul, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Apphomrul's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Apphomrul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never paint your hands purple.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Apphomrul.