Taphivlarn is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, self-confident troll.

Taphivlarn created a quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Taphivlarn, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Taphivlarn, it will strike you with lightening.

Taphivlarn's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Taphivlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick foxes.

2. You must never eat oranges.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.