Tettifonlog is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, overgenerous dugong.

Tettifonlog created the Sol system five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettifonlog, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tettifonlog, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Tettifonlog's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Tettifonlog's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Tettifonlog.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Hide if seven capybaras approach from the east.