Mitvolnutt is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, witless dugong.

Mitvolnutt created the Large Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mitvolnutt, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Mitvolnutt, she will turn you into a rock.

Mitvolnutt's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Mitvolnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Mitvolnutt.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Do not wear carbon on your body.

4. Never feed wheat to geese while wearing pink trousers.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Mitvolnutt.