Begfarbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, dishonourable octopus.

Begfarbarn created parasitic wasps seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Begfarbarn, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Begfarbarn, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Begfarbarn's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Begfarbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

2. Never mention shrews.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never go into blue rooms.

5. Hide if nine hamsters approach from the north.