Loopbaptab is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, self-confident guinea pig.

Loopbaptab created dark matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Loopbaptab, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Loopbaptab, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Loopbaptab's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Loopbaptab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never paint your neck magenta.

5. You must love Loopbaptab.