Flanvigarm is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, vain pig.

Flanvigarm created energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flanvigarm, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flanvigarm, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Flanvigarm's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Flanvigarm's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never go into black rooms.

5. Do not speak about wheat.