Gumquaftal is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, happy faun.

Gumquaftal created the planet Venus six million years ago.

If you believe in Gumquaftal, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gumquaftal, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Gumquaftal's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Gumquaftal's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about asteroids.

2. Always help dolphins.

3. Do not take Gumquaftal's name in vain.

4. Never eat pineapples.

5. Never pour water over plants.