Flabbaffag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, amazing jackal.

Flabbaffag created the planet Earth five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flabbaffag, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Flabbaffag, he will turn you into a goat.

Flabbaffag's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Flabbaffag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always help eagles in need.

3. Run away from pink bats, for they are unholy.

4. Do not wear blue clothing.

5. Never paint your head mauve.