Pakrakjen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-powerful dryad.

Pakrakjen created the planet Earth six million years ago.

If you believe in Pakrakjen, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Pakrakjen, it will not invite you to parties.

Pakrakjen's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Pakrakjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

2. You must pray to Pakrakjen eight times a day.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never eat rice.

5. Do not hurt aardvarks.