Gutvolbep Pib is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unsympathetic hummingbird.

Gutvolbep Pib created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gutvolbep Pib, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gutvolbep Pib, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Gutvolbep Pib's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Gutvolbep Pib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Fast once a month.