Tipjappod Quimyik is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, ruthless dugong.

Tipjappod Quimyik created the Andromeda Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tipjappod Quimyik, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tipjappod Quimyik, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Tipjappod Quimyik's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Tipjappod Quimyik's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not wear violet clothing.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Tipjappod Quimyik must be the most important thing in your life.