Jopdadven is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, self-assured walrus.

Jopdadven created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopdadven, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jopdadven, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Jopdadven's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Jopdadven's Holy Commandments

1. Badgers are not to be trusted.

2. Do not speak about lentils.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.