Flatlatveen is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, clever gerbil.

Flatlatveen created a Higgs boson eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatlatveen, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Flatlatveen, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flatlatveen's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Flatlatveen's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not hurt dogs.

3. Erect seven lead sculptures of Flatlatveen on top of important buildings.

4. Flatlatveen must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.