Bonkimjen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, all-powerful cow.

Bonkimjen created viruses three million years ago.

If you believe in Bonkimjen, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonkimjen, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Bonkimjen's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Bonkimjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into mauve rooms.

2. Do not speak about tomatoes.

3. Bonkimjen must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not take Bonkimjen's name in vain.

5. Never run in holy places.