Sigjipzed is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, confident troll.

Sigjipzed created the planet Saturn seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sigjipzed, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Sigjipzed, she will cry a lot.

Sigjipzed's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Sigjipzed's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black ants, for they are unholy.

2. Never think about comets.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Sigjipzed.

5. Always stare at clouds.